Saturday, July 14, 2012

Singleness Survival Kit: Item #2

Item #2: "I Will Wait for You" by Janette...ikz

It took me a good week to watch this YouTube video after a friend posted it on her Facebook, with the tagline "This is sooooo awesome!!!" Not gonna lie, the title bothered me: Too "True Love Waits"ish for my taste. And besides, I saw that the video was actually a poem. Immediately, I got visions of a flowerly, overly optimistic 15 year old girl emblazooning cutesy words in curly script over a homemade montage of the sappiest scences from The Notebook. Just what I need, more Christian cliche...

Well, wasn't shockingly surprised (humbled) to find that it was not only slam poetry (very cool...), but it was some of THE most clever, articulate and genuine words I'd ever heard/read on the subject of singleness. Not only that, it came from the mouth of a Christian woman, with all kinds of humour, sass and wit to back up it's depth of substance.

Like Passion and Purity, item numero dos in my Singleness Survival Kit never gets old. I can go back to this again and again--and I am just as inspired and challenged as I was the first time I saw it. I'd encourage you to check out the video of slam poet "Janette...ikz" reading "I Will Wait For You" in front of a live audience at a P4CM poetry slam. The energy of the audience makes it that much more'll see what I mean :)

Watch it...

In this blog, I want to highlight the best of the best quotes from the poem--at least the ones that have been most impactful to me in navigating singleness.

Go ahead, shout a little "Amen" as you read these. You know you want to... ;)

“You know… I was tired of being alone,
And I simply made up in my mind, that it was about that time so I decided to drag him along for the ride, cause I was always the bridesmaid & never the bride..
So I was gonna make him ‘The One’.”

What this means for me-

Resist restlessness! There have been several periods over my young adult life where I either felt: a) exasperated (“I’m done with this wait, thing! I just feel so weary!” Sigh...) or b) anxious to take control and make something happen. When “It’s about that time” becomes a nagging thought, striving soon follows. This is where the settling starts--and the “brilliant” idea that somehow through my pretty face, inspiring spirituality or other clever little persuasive techniques, I can magically transform any willing (or unwilling) prospect into “The One.” False...

The conclusion that I’ve come to? I'd rather have a “pre-made” man. Let me clarify to say, while I full expect to do a lot of learning/growing together as a couple (ideally encouraging each other in Christlike-ness more and more everyday), I want someone whose process of growth/maturity began well BEFORE I stepped into the picture. I pray for a man of God who was taught to be so directly from the Father, not from my nagging or striving to somehow force him into that mold.
“Ready to sell my aorta for a quarter, not knowing the value of its use to me. Arties so clogged with MY will, it blocked HIS Will from flowing through me”

What this means for me-

Heartonmysleeve Syndrome: If such a thing exists, I’m pretty sure I have it.

In my flesh, I have been far too quick to give my heart away at little cost to the recipient. Jesus, teach me to view my heart as a treasure! To not “throw my pearls before pigs.” I want to live in daily surrender--submitting myself to God, seeking to have no will of my own, but only to want that which He wills for me. I am challenged to hold my dreams and desires with an open hand, without grasping or clinging jealously to what I (think I) want. Only with hands opened in surrender can the Lord place there what He wants to be. Far better than my own dreams suffocating in my tight, unrelenting grip…

“I will no longer date, socialize or communicate with carbon copies of you to appease my boredom or to quench my thirstiness I have for attention and short-lived compliments from ‘sorta kindas’”

What this means for me-

“Drop the man drama!” Reject the lie that you’re somehow wasting time if there isn’t someone in the picture or on the sidelines to flirt with/get attention from/have a crush on/strive to make something more. Believe that sitting back and WAITING for the right man is better than filling my mind with thoughts about and wasting my time settling for the “false companionship” of just any man. Carbon copy = fake. Pseudo-boyfriends, remember? They aren’t real! WAIT for the real thing...

“I will no longer get weighted down from so-called friends & family talks about the concern for my biological clock when I serve the Author of Time. Who is not subject to time, but I’m subject to Him.”

What this means for me-

So, you’re closing in on the big 3-0? So what??!! While I’m fully aware of the potential health risks associated with having children in your 30's and 40's and what "could" happen if I don't start having kids sooner rather than later, I trust that God is bigger than “what if’s.” I’m not going to rush or make decisions based on my age or this societal pressure of “You’re running out of time!” I serve a God who, over and over again in Scripture, blessed barren women with children--well past their prime child-bearing years. The Almighty who opened doors and opened wombs 6,000 years ago is faithful to do the same today--I am convinced of that! His timing may not be my timing, but seeing as He’s the one controlling it, I think we’re good… J

“But I won’t need to identify you by any special Matthews or any special Marks, cause His word will be tatted all over your heart.”

What this means for me-

Some people find it cheesy when they encounter "those Christians" who are constantly talking about God--His grace, His love and His glory. Well, I must confess that I probably am one of those crazy people who doesn't consider it either impractical or "overly spiritual" to always be talking about Jesus. And seeing as I tend to talk about Jesus more and more in this way (can't have a conversation not related to God, God's heart or how He is working) the more I get to know Him, I find this to be an extremely attractive trait in potential men.

To be perfectly honest, I've closed eHarmony match profiles without a second glance if that person never mentions a single thing about God/Jesus in their profile, other than the note at the top that states "Religious Views: Christian." When these men are asked questions like "What are you most passionate about? What do you like to do in your spare time? and What books have you read recently?," I'm thrilled to see answers like "Sharing my faith, helping the homeless and the Bible." Sounds cheesy, but I want a man who claims passion for Kingdom business over sports, working out or his career. Like Janette...ikz says so well, it's not hard to spot a man of God--He will be boldly proclaiming the works of his Savior and speaking constantly of the love of his Father.

"So even if you call me to a life of singleness, my heart is content with YOU – the One who was sent. YOU are the greatest love story ever told.”

What this means for me-

I think it's healthy and necessary for the single person serving the Lord and committed to following His will (whatever that means) to honestly and truly surrender the prospect of marriage. We assume we deserve it--that it is somehow our "right" to get married. We assume that because the desire is there in us, that it simply HAS to be fulfilled (more on that in my next post). But of course, when left unsurrendered, even desiring a godly thing like marriage can become an idol. We falsely believe that the craving and restlessness of our hearts and souls will somehow be satiated by the constant companionship of an earthly lover.

But the Truth is, nothing will satisfy me like Jesus. His love is perfect, His presence is constant and He understands and knows me far more deeply than even a husband ever could.

Yes, I want to be married, but I pray that I will never be fooled into thinking that there exists a greater, more fulfilling love than that of my First Love...



  1. "So, you’re closing in on the big 3-0? So what??!!"

    Been there, done that...often still there more than a decade later. :-O I think at some time or other, every single wishes the desire would just go away until (or if) God drops a spouse in our lap.

    "I think it's healthy and necessary for the single person serving the Lord and committed to following His will (whatever that means) to honestly and truly surrender the prospect of marriage."

    This is key, but so very hard to do! I'm still wrestling with this after two+ decades. What's so challenging and frustrating is that the yearning for intimacy, affirmation, and companionship with someone of the opposite sex run deep and are given to us by God (Genesis 2:18) and yet He asks us to surrender them to Him.

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